Actually it has been a week long depressive episode. Last Tuesday I told my therapist I was considering getting back on some kind of a anti-depressant and ask her what she thought about it. She knows my fears about getting back on are that when I get depressed while taking them I get more and intense suicidal thoughts. She said she would do some digging through old records and see out of the 20+ I've been on,she see which ones have worked the best. She was going to reaearch some new ones also I think. Tomorrow is Halloween and I have spent the last two Halloweens in a psych hospital. I was on the verge of killing myself last year, just waiting for something to throw me out of control and at my therapist's and friend's urging I gave up at went in. I am just so tired of being in this state of mind one more time, it takes so much energy to stay alive. I am having trouble with every day thinking speech and my hearing is a little off, or maybe it's my inability to be very cognisit of what is being said. Who knows? Who really cares?
I told her I would see her Tuesday.
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